In this episode of ea…
During the relationship the ea was pretty much terrified of eye drops. Could not put them in his own eyes and was always jumpy about them when someone else did it for him. Needless to say, he did not want or have any eye drops.
Fast forward – during the tail end of the relationship I was getting sick often. I would taste food and it would taste funny. I would not want to eat something and he would get angry with me and play on my guilt about wasting food. If I did eat something, I would suddenly get ill and even if it were the same food as he was eating, he was fine.
Once I got him out of the house and started cleaning – guess what I found? In his office space there were eye drops. Not Rx ones that he needed…plain ol’ eye drops. Something he would never have in a million years was right there. And then all the illnesses started to make sense.
We’d watched enough CSI-type shows that they often had the disgruntled waitress who put eye drops in the food of jerk customers…and it would make them sick.
Don’t think a person would so such a thing? Think again. I also found a print out for interrogation techniques in his stuff. All of which he’d used on me. Sleep deprivation, bullying, asking the same question over and over and over and over and…
He was actively gaslighting me. He was reading my journals and then using that info to fine tune the abuse. He systematically isolated me and made sure I had zero outside relationships. And it was all working. I was self isolating. I was cutting ties with pretty much all other human beings. I was in constant pain and exhausted all the time well beyond my “normal” FMS symptoms. And I would get mysteriously ill from time to time for no apparent reason. (and, realized that my felines were having similar issues)
I was pushed to the point of suicide. I was right up to the edge of it. The only thing stopping me was I didn’t know how to take my felines with me without causing them fear or pain. And if I was writing that in my journals, he was reading it. The violation of privacy alone is maddening. But…his one mistake…(thank the universe)….in his attempt to further isolate me and keep me “barefoot and pregnant” and out of his way – he insisted I adopt a feral kitten whose mother I had rescued to get her fixed so she wouldn’t have to have any more litters.
So, this tiny little boy came into my life. He was only six weeks when I got him checked out by a vet so he could live with the other cats. Maternal instincts being what they are, when ea kept pulling his tail, I called him on it – trying to be careful and explain that it would make the poor boy aggressive. As I looked right at him he said, “I’m not pulling his tail.” And right then he pulled his tail again. I turned around and walked away with my baby boy. That was two years ago.
Today, the ea lives elsewhere, but not far enough away. He threatens me with the fact that the house in which I live is in his name whenever he feels like he’s not getting his way. He continues to fuck with me in various deceitful ways. It’s been just over a year since he “moved out”. He left most of his belongings here so he’d have an excuse to come back and wander the house as he pleased. During those times I would lock myself and my cats in my room.
There would come a time when I would finally remove his crap and take steps to create a more secure environment – but he even thwarted that. Just recently I changed all the tumblers on the deadbolts. He has zero access now (he was “breaking in”).
And I have also finally healed enough so that he can’t use his threats against my home any more. Oh, it’s not like it would be easy. It would be a horrible and painful situation and I’d have a few difficult things to do and decisions to make…but I can finally say that I won’t allow him to manipulate me any more. If he were to pull that rug out from underneath me, I will deal. But I will not bow the knee to this evil asshole ever again. It’s been a hard battle. But I’m finally getting back my sense of integrity and pride.
And I’m not being quiet any more….oh, I’m not looking to tell any passer by what he’s done, but if asked I don’t sugar coat it at all. And if I’m asked, I tell…I tell it bare naked and straight out honestly. And there is so much more to tell. But…enough for one day.
This kind of dark triad/covert narcissist is dangerous. Don’t think for a minute that they would not do xyz…because they will do anything to get what they want. In this case, he wanted to preserve his “nice guy” persona and if that failed, at least play victim. They come disguised as “nice” or “poor me” so be careful out there. Those of us who are used to rescuing others are prime real estate for this kind of abuser. Learn about it and take care. They are far more dangerous than most people think they are…and they are usually (not always) clever enough to get someone else to do their dirty work. (this one of which I speak actually told me how he’d get his cronies to sniper anyone who fucked with him)
So, there you have it…way too many words and way too unbelievable…but they say truth is stranger than fiction.