I suppose you can skip most of this…it’s merely a conglomerate of thoughts and musings and ramblings and….

Night before last I had a nightmare.  I was served with papers and had two hours to leave my home.  This had me scrambling to secure whatever belongings I could not live without as well as make sure I had my four cats and whatever they needed.  Needless to say, it was a stressful one.

Fast forward to yesterday – I have negotiated with a neighbor to have my yard and surrounding cleaned and maintained.  That’s a whole other story, but the ea (sender of “get out” papers in dream) drove by yesterday, as he does all the friggin’ time and he saw all the activity.  He stopped.  He started to take something that was out there.  (I watched safely from my window)  The yard guy saw him, stopped him, talked to him, etc.

When all was clear I went out to see what damage had been done.  Turns out, yard guy has known ea for many years and hated him way back when.  Inner joy ensued.  Yard guy told me the conversation.  ea asked what was going on.  Yard guy gave brief explanation.  ea said it’s his property so no one should be doing anything without his say so.  Yard guy said he’d get me to settle the issue.  ea said I probably wouldn’t talk to him.  Yard guy then said if she won’t talk to you then why are you even here.  ea made more comments about things, yard guy seemed to hold his own (allowing for male bragging during the retell of the story).  Then ea asked him if he were my boyfriend.  To which yard guy answered, “maybe”.  He told me he said it.  We had similar opinion, that it would burn ea’s buns so it was well placed.

Now…yard guy has commented more than once that I’m a “good looking woman”.  He has also made sure I know he’s a “buff” “38 year old” guy.  And italian and from “that” area of the valley.  He assured me that after introductions and recognizing each other, he’s pretty sure ea will leave me alone now.  That’s nice that he thinks so…but I know it simply means that the sneaky, undercurrent behavior is now in full gear.

Still, it was a little bit fun to hear that he said that to ea.  But not to have to deal with a guy who may think that part of payment is more than I shall pay.  I’ll be Scarlet on that and think about it tomorrow.

For now, I’m awake far too early and coming off a high anxiety burst.  I have things to do today.  I don’t want to…but that’s part of being grown up.  Highly overrated if you ask me.  🙂

CPTSD, flashbacks, anxiety, but I did better.  I didn’t sit alone and freak out.  I messaged several people and was kept company for the few minutes ea was around and stalking.  That’s a bit of growth on my part.  I did not take any meds.  Yay me.  But, I also did not get enough sleep.  So there will be that to deal with as the day progresses.

Recovering from NPD abuse is not an easy thing.  Especially for an HSP, Aspie, whatever the heck I am…but it’s moving forward…even if only in inches.  Progress is progress.  So, pat on back for me.

And, if I could get my baby boy certified as a therapy animal, I would.  He keeps me calm(er).