…trigger warnings a plenty I expect…

We all have times in our lives when we either continue to take the garbage dumped on us by others or we take a stand.  How we take that stand is up to us, our internal wiring, and likely a whole hell of a lot of CPTSD flashbacks.

ea has decided to throw a covert temper tantrum.  Withholding money, scolding, trying to wreak havoc with neighbors, spreading rumors and falsehoods.  You know, the normal childish behavior of people who intend harm.

I have taken a very conservative posture for over two years now…well, way longer since I lived with it for nearly 20 years.  Now, it’s wearing thin.  My options are limited.  Still, my internal Sense of right and wrong is ringing the bells overtime.

What’s the saying…the reason evil happens is because good people don’t do anything about it?  Well…the question becomes what to do and how to do it.  And all that without taking inordinate risks.  Were I simply on my own, I’d probably jump into the fray…but I have my babies.  They depend on me.  I need a stable home atm.

He’s actually asking people if they’ve seen my “true colors”.  If they did, and if they were similarly wired, I’d have friends for life.  I can look in the mirror and be glad with what I see.  I have my faults – plenty, but I know who I am and what I am and I do my best never to cause harm…at least not intentionally.  I’m human, afterall.

But at some point, it’s time to fight.  Fight?  or….something more evolved?  I’m not sure how this works.  Other than staying in my integrity and letting others finally see the truth.  But will they?  Will they start to see what is really happening?

I have no idea.  I don’t know how all this works in this particular world.  But I do know that I’m wanting to set my shoulders.  Some days all I can do is cry.  Others I want to fight against everything that is for what is “right”.

Gosh…I wish my tribe were bigger.  He stripped it away.  But, I’m rebuilding.  I’m making friends and gaining adopted family.  They are coming…slowly, but most assuredly.  He counts on me not having any “back up”.  He kept me isolated in order to keep his secrets intact.  Now…now I’m not keeping those secrets.  If you want to know something, ask me.  I’m done being quiet.  I’m not taking out a newspaper ad, but damned if I’ll let the silence protect him any longer.

He can lie all he wants.  He can tell tales of me and my sins.  Go for it.  I know my own.  I’m not ashamed of it.  It made me who I am.  And I’m a far better person now then ever before.  I grew and become more than what I was.  I’ll let everyone else decide on the rest.