It’s not a new phenomenon.  But sometimes the realization of what’s happening is.

Empaths tend to feel things that don’t belong to them.  We absorb our surroundings, the population in general, pretty much any kind of energy…depending on our personal sensitivities.

As an abuse survivor, I find that I will “shield” (code word for ignore or otherwise not realize) against stray energies.  Then, when the amount gets too intense, I have a mini-meltdown.  It’s not always a bad thing.  Often, it’s just like a big wave of emotion finally breaks thru and I feel…all the feels…in a deluge.

Once upon a time, this would have sent me into a panic.  But time and research has taught me that it is normal to have feelings.  Yessireebob.  Feelings are not only a normal part of the empath’s life, they are crucial to our way of being.  Yes, often inconvenient or overwhelming, but still…if we’re wired this way it’s for a reason.

So, add in a full moon.  It can get pretty intense.  But learning that this is all okay and “this too shall pass” is a nice change from my youth.  Plus, it gives me time to work on things.  My tendency to block, deflect or otherwise not deal is habit.  I get it.  I wasn’t allowed.  Even in the last fiasco relationship, not allowed.  Any expression of emotion that did not feed the narc’s ego was not allowed.  So…this is all still pretty new for me.

I still autopilot into repression a good deal of the time, especially if I’m stressed or have too much going on.  But…I’m getting better.  And living alone with my feline family gives me the most wonderful opportunity to actually feel feelings as they happen.  That’s a new concept.  I rather like it…even tho’ I still get that intense feeling of embarrassment when it happens in front of another human.

The key seems to be finding humans whom I can trust and with whom I feel comfortable enough to actually let them flow and not guard against.

This must sound totally strange to a “normal” person.  People just feel their feelings, right?  Maybe in most cases.  But the CPTSD gets in the way sometimes.  It’s getting easier to tune in and recognize those things.  But if it took fifty years to get to where I am, it’s going to take a few to work all of this out.  And, in all reality, it will likely never be completely healed.  But…I reiterate, more for myself than for you, it’s getting better.